How to survive the zombie apocolypse

31 Oct


A zombie apocolypse is no laughing matter so wipe that smirk off your face and listen up.  I’ve taken my time to write this guide in order to ensure your survival since your one of the few who actually read my blog.  It’s my way of giving back to humanity well actually my readers, zombies don’t read. Without you I’d lose my will to fight off the hordes of dead in order to blog another day.  So if and when the day comes the dead rise do not panic just follow my instructions.  Preparedness is the best way to survive. If you wait for the last minute to run out to Walmart your screwed.  That place and most other establishments will be cleaned out or packed with the walking dead.  The lasthing you want is to be in a checkout line with zombies.  To avoid leaving the safety of your home keep it stocked with plenty of water, canned food or anything that has long shelf life and nutritional value.  Pack according to the size of your expected group.  I suggest on having as much available as possible since no telling how long you will be hiding.  Be sure to have a first aid kit on hand as well including any prescriptions needed by survivors.  Keep a radio solar powered or wind up if possible. LAN lines and cell phones will be down eventually so I strongly recommend a c.b or ham radio to communicate. Next have the means of fortifying your home.  If you don’t already own them purchase a hammer, drill and some wooden boards.  Your next door neighbor may not be so keen on lending, can’t really blame him considering the circumstances.  Now you don’t have to be a Bob Villa to secure your home.  So I don’t need to get all handy Manny up on here.  If you can’t swing a hammer you can’t kill a zombie. Which brings me to my next topic Selfdefense in order to live your going to have to kill, but hey zombies are already sort of dead don’t feel bad they do after all want to eat your face.  From all we know of zombies the only way to kill them is to destroy the brain.  Do this by any means necessary that’s right your going to have get your hands dirty, practice head bashing a couple times a week pilates won’t save your ass just trim it.  Now in order to properly defend yourself you will need Weapons which are essential to survival!  Everyone wants guns but not everyone can get access to fire arms unless you live in Montana or Brooklyn.  Aside from being hard to get my other knock on guns is as effective as they maybe at instant kills they are loud.  And those shots will be sure to attract swarms of walking dead to your location, so I prefer quiet weapons “melee”.  If you do get a gun use it only when it is a must and conserve your ammo.  Keep it with you at all times you never know when shit hits the fan.  Some alternatives to guns you might already own.  Improvise like the before mentioned hammer is a good start, also go to Modells stock up on a couple of aluminum bats.  One for your softball league and two they make for great zombie brain smashing fun.  A machete or even a kitana sword are great additions to any arsenal.  I would go with machete since it is also a great tool.  But if you can command a sword this is great choice for eliminating threats silently.  Quick chop to the neck with either of these and watch zombie heads fly.  The crossbow is ideal replacement for the gun its quiet and effective at taking out Zombies from a safe distance.  Another benefit is the bow can be reused just be sanitary you dont want to cross contaminant infected blood.  So don’t panic you don’t have to be Rambo or Jack Bauer to survive you just have to be ready to do anything to anyone.  The apocolypse will not just test our skills and will to survive our morals will surely be tested.  Those who learn to cope with these test quickly will have a better chance of sticking around.  I cannot emphasis this point enough in order to survive you must not get sentimental and be willing to survive at any cost.  Emotions are one of the traits that separates us from the zombies, but in order to out last them we must curb our feelings.  First off just as I do not suggest traveling for supplies in the midst of a dead rising I must also urge you not to go after anyone.  It is not safe to travel and you probably won’t find who your looking for alive anyway.  So as hard as it seems stay put do not leave a safe shelter unless you absolutely have to!  Now once you get the hand of blasting away zombies it gets easier until that zombie is someone you know and love or in some cases not infected yet. Think about it what if the infected was your husband or wife, daughter, son, brother sister, bestfriend and so on.  What would you do then?  Would you let someone shoot dear old dad in the head?  Or worst can you do it yourself?  This is vital choice that will make or break your survival.  I know it will be hard to separate feelings just because the person you loved is now a part of the living dead but you must do just that or perish. This is why as disturbing as it seems imagine now what you have to do.  When the real time comes it may make it easier if you played out scenario a few times in your head.  Remember if you hesitate for just a moment you will be joining them for dinner, correction you will be dinner.  This is not the same person you knew he/she has lost all consciousness of what they once were and are now a monster who’s single goal is to feed off you or any other living being.   So do not keep them around putting all in your survival group at risk.  Hopefully your group is filled with doctors,marines, engineers hunters and farmers.  Chances are it is not but if you have learned some skills in life it will surely help.  If you have the time take a first aide class this is vital for any emergency.  Also read up on farming try it yourself in the backyard plant a garden of some veggies and fruits.  It may not be as pretty as daisys and roses but you may run out of sources of food and will have to grow your own one day.  Another way of getting good is hunting take it up as a hobby. If you don’t believe in killing animals your pansy ass should’ve stopped reading at the how to kill a zombie portion of this. Next time you take the car to the mechanic shop ask questions watch what they are doing.  Basically learn to be less dependant on others, I do not believe the lone wolf mentality is the way to go.  A group of people with an array of skill sets working together has the best hope of survival.  Goodluck my friends and remember we either learn to live together or we die alone. 


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