Archive | March, 2014

I put the Master in masturbation

31 Mar

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Masturbation  is far more acceptable in today’s society then in the past.  We have a better understanding of some good old fashioned self love.  However many misconceptions exist on the subject.   I’m no expert but after decades of masturbating I’m a one by default.  Thats why I plan to share my wealth of knowledge on Art of fapping. 

When people tell me they don’t masturbate it baffles me.  Sure we are not all created equal and different strokes for different folks but it strikes me as odd.  Really you’re against pleasure why? I see masturbation as a natural indulgence, yet throughout history its been a taboo. Sometimes that negative stigma is attached thanks to the bullshit from prudes.

No one cock blocks like major religions. For some reason they claim “God” has issues with sexual activity especially masturbation.  That is why lies have been concocted such as “Masturbation causes blindness”, false!  I’d be the latino Stevie Wonder by now.  “Masturbating causes hair to grow on your palms” again false!  Thats most likely your pubes getting stuck, or sweat that rolls up into dark strings when you rub hands together quickly.  Trust me If this were case I’d have chewbaca hands.

 Religion has fed us bullshit about masturbation for centuries. Speaking of eating bullshitDid you know that Kellogg’s Corn flakes was invented because of a anti-masturbation religious crusade?  

Thats right the notion was that foods with spices and flavor stimulated sexual desire.  So Kellogg who was a big advocate against sexuality invented a healthy meal that would keep peens in the pants.  The bland nutritious Kellog’s Corn flakes was born.   Granola and Graham crackers came from this ideology as well.  They wanted you to eat well but not spill your milk!

I believe masturbation is good for you.  Although contrary to popular belief studies show masturbating does not offer the same health benefits as sex.  I see it more as a stress reliever, mind clearing routine.  Some people do yoga, I pull one off here and there.  Call me the Zen masturbator.

It doesn’t matter if you wank to porn or diddle with toys.   Masturbation is that intimate moment enjoying own body.  I’m more of the porn kind of guy but every now and then I close my eyes and handle it to my imagination.   The internet has spoiled us with instant access to all our dirty kinks (clears browser history) 

Sometimes I end up in places I regret thanks to those tricky titles. Tell me more of this barely legal college freshman. What are her ambitions besides sucking off Professor Big dick? I look at porn like a cooking show, its educational that leads to enjoyment. You’ll never know how to make Rachel Rays flan if you dont try it in kitchen. Same goes for Valerie Kay’s oral technique if you dont try it in bedroom.

Porn is useful but I suggest turning it off once in awhile.  Create a fantasy and enjoy yourself.   If you have shitty imagination go back to a fond memory.   Using your mind enhances experience in my opinion. Another tip is switching hands or adding a toy to arsenal.  It might feel like cheating but consider your left hand the side chick and right the main.

Truth is its not a necessity in life to get off  but it doesn’t hurt you either and sure feels good!   As long as you are doing this in moderation, without forcing upon unwilling individuals or exposing yourself its okay.  Do not go run around doing Pee Wee Hermans all over the place, keep your privates private! 

Nothing wrong with masturbating while having a sexual partner either.  If partner masturbates it is not a reflection on something you are not doing.  Nor is it because you’re unattractive.   Stop it!  Not everything has to do with you.  They we’re masturbating long before you and should continue long after.  Hell my right hand has been more loyal to me than anyone I know.  

We humans suffer from spotlight syndrome and think everything has to do with us. If your man pulls one off to porn its better than him pulling one off in his co-worker.  Its not about you and it doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble.   The idea of being offended by them masturbating is silly.  It can play apart of healthy relationship.  Instead of suppressing their sexuality try and embrace it.

You can learn more about pleasing if you know how to please yourself first.  
Go ahead and love thy self today and everyday.

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How I’ll change the world with porn

29 Mar

Pornhub is running a contest for new creative director.   It made me think what’s porn industry missing? 

After some thought I decided the world deserves its first mainstream Romantic comedy porno.  I’m talking about a legit Hollywood type story & quality acting with porn sex scenes.

I’ve seen countless Rom com’s on dates in my life.  As I sat there waiting for credits to roll and hopefully get laid,  I think “man this movie would be so much better with action or hardcore sex scenes.”  Well action is too expensive but sex not so much. 

Pornos have lost the art of storytelling.  All I do is same as everyone else,  search for my kinky Porn preference  of the moment like big booty midget transsexuals. Get off two minutes in of clip and I’m done. Well I say we need more from porn!

A simple idea that will not only change dating but the world as we know it.   You could learn alot from watching porn with someone.   This is a great way to get people who are not yet on that level sharing intimate moments. My film can be the difference between you getting a handjob or handshake.

I know Porn,  I know comedy and I’m pretty sure I can figure out romance. Support me and I promise to make you laugh,  cry and cum. That’s all  my past relationships rolled into 1 hour 45 minutes.  

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