Spoilerish Review of Transformers age of Extinction

1 Jul

 

"Honey I think I found a Transformah"

“Honey I think I found a Transformah”

I can see why Shia Labeouf had a melt down last week right before the premier of T4.  Its not because he was upset he wasn’t in it its because this movie sucked so much his first 3 movies looked oscar worthy.  If I was shia I would have gotten drunk after that film too, hell I wanted to smoke crack for the first time after sitting for nearly 3 hours of age of exstinktion!

What can I say about the longest commercial of all time? Thats what this was in my opinion a commercial for hasboro toy line, Goodyear, Redbull, budlight, Samsung and every car known to man jammed in a shitty movie.  The product placement in this film wouldn’t have been so bad if this movie was not at least 40 mins too long.  Bay really show cased his directing and editing skills here or lack of skills I should say.  This man must have struck a deal with the devil to destroy all my childhood dreams.

Oh and thanks for this top of the line cast you brought in to replace Shia, Tyrese and the gang from first trilogy.  Watching Marky Mark play Mark Wahlberg as a failed texan inventor.  I dont know what was less believable hearing his thick Boston accent as a “Texan” or the idea this dope was a inventor.  To his credit he played a failed inventor which was a far more realistic look for Mark.  They tried bringing in a fresh cast but it just did not work besides Stanley Tucci doing his best job of playing Steve Jobs I hated everyone not CGI.

The real reason I went to see this movie was for Dinobots and damn even that let me down.  Sure it was cool watching CGI versions of them on screen for about 15 minutes but the whole idea Optimus has to bitch them into submission made no sense.  “Legends” what the hell was that about ? Most of this film made no sense like how Frasier is head of CIA and working with Transformers to kill Transformers.  Humans hate the Robots, robots hate the humans but lets work together in harmony for our common enemy.  However the robot aliends could have annihilated earth at anytime so why did’nt they?

Talk of the “creators” goes on and I guess setting up another movie when Prime does his best superman impression and goes “up up and away” to space.  I wish this franchise under Bay would go away, I feel each movie has gotten worse.  Besides action and nice special effects this film has nothing to offer.  I saw it in imax 3d but was’nt impressed with 3d images.  Although overall eye candy was lovely.  Plenty of action to go around about seriously this movie was way too long!

If you enjoyed the first three movies  for their action than go see this one.  Michael Bay isnt my favorite Director but he does know how to make action sequences.    Some cool designed transformers and cars as usual.  The writing and acting is at an all time low.  I never thought I’d miss Shia Labeouf and Megan Fox.  It had its fun moments but this film was just a big mess of a plot with too many holes that even the product placement could’nt fill.

I’ll sum the film up in one scene:
Mark Wahlberg in the midst of a attack on earth opens up a budlight drinks it and asks his daughter “Sweetie hand me my alien gun.”

I give Transformers Age of Extinction a 5.8 out of 10

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