A fathers fight

Happy Fathers day

Today’s Fathers day and I’ve received numerous calls and texts wishing me a “Happy Fathers day.”  I appreciate them all but at the risk of sounding ungrateful they make me sad.  Truth is I’m dealing with a battle a battle to be a father, which is a shame because I think I’m a damn good one.  I maybe far from perfect I make mistakes but I try to be the best I can for my girl.  However her mother doesn’t see it that way.  I’m not going to use this as a forum to bash her we have our differences and sadly my daughter is stuck in the middle.  Therefore this fathers day is not the happy one it should be for me.

I dont need to be congratulations or to be commended for the job I’ve done as a father.  Its my duty, one I take on with honor and do with love.  I’ll never understand how someone can just abandon a child, I’ll go to war for my little girl.  No one can push me out her life let alone myself willingly give up that right.  When she say’s “Daddy I love you”, “Daddy I miss you”, “Call me tonight daddy” it melts my heart like no other persons words ever can.

That alone is motivation to fight on, to be in her life.  If you have a child don’t put them at odds with the other parent.  Mothers do not use them as pawns to move and navigate to get what you want.  Fathers do not take out the anger you have towards a bad relationship on them.  Our kids are innocent all they want is a parents love and if you are fortunate enough to have someone who wants to be in the picture for child do not deny them that right.   In the end kids will grow and they’ll determine who their parents are for themselves.

When its all said and done only one person can judge me as a father.  Not the courts, my friends, parents, or her mother.  The only opinion that matters is that of my child.  One day she’ll be old enough to look back at me as a father and I am confident she’ll be able to say “Happy Fathers day” with pride and love.

I leave you with these words I wrote on her birthday

On this day five years ago my daughter was born. During her life I’ve learned and grown. Nothing stands out more than my ability to endure. I thought I was a zero but on this day I became a superhero. No xray vision, I cant fly above. My only super power is a father’s love.

 

Being dumped

I’m heart broken…

Nothing quite hurts like someone breaking up with you.  It happened to me.  I was such a fool I didn’t even see it coming.  Not sure if it would make it any easier because this relationship was special to me.  We’ve been together for years so it hurts, it hurts real bad but I choose to share my pain with you… 

My barber informed me he will no longer cut my hair. I’ve never been dumped before. Do I watch ROM COM’s and eat ice cream? I’m already lost without him, I’d hate for another to touch me. It won’t feel right! His hand was gentle, steady and knew his way around my head like no other.

 Right when I was on urge of getting my haircut he called me told me he was moving back home for sometime, he said he could be back in the next six months but he understands if I cant wait for him.  Maybe he was just giving me false hope or he wants to see if I could be loyal while he was gone.  I tried to wait but I knew I had to move on with my life, I was starting to look like a hobo.  

Our relationship wasn’t without complications.  He was always going away back home and at times he’d leave my needs unattended.  I’m going to confess I’ve cheated on him twice during our long relationship.  I know it was wrong of me but i did this was out of necessity of needing a cut for event and not being able to wait    Felt like cheating both times but I had very different results.

The first time was amazing to the point I almost left my barber but I had to stop seeing him because they knew each other.  i knew deep down inside I couldn’t juggle both barbers, they satisfied my needs in different ways but it wasn’t fair to either of them.  Second time around the backup effed up my cut. It was like seeing a mistress, having bad sex and getting an std. I vowed to never let another man cut my hair and now I have no choice.

He’s moving and now I must also move on, It won’t be easy building that sacred bond a man has with his barber. Besides sex a haircut is the most intimate moment I share with another human being (my haircuts last much longer). I guess I have no other choice but to play the field. Wish me luck as I embark on my quest for fresh lines and tight curls.

A month into my journey…

So I’ve found another it was a long interesting journey, one I wish I did not have to make.  I was like Frodo in Lord of the rings except I went alone, no wizards, elves nor trolls.  Just me and my long overdue afro I was growing, looking like the latino teen wolf.  I kind of went back to the old fling.  That’s right the first barber I cheated with while he was on vacation.  I only went to him because I needed to go to a party that weekend and well long story short when a man’s in need he does what he must.  He was barber in the same shop who seemed quite popular with the fellas.  He always had a wait list so I wont lie I was intrigued.  I’m not proud of cheating on my barber with this guy but bigger problem was I liked it.  The cut was on point, my lines were straight fade was even, it was as if he knew me.  

I ended up not going to my barber for about a month so the hair could be grown in enough that he wouldn’t notice another touched me.  I think he could tell but he said nothing, we never talked about being exclusive but we just had that silent agreement.  The other barber and me had a first awkward exchange of hello but we never spoke of that hair cut again, maybe he thought I hated it, but truth is I loved it too much.  Not soon after he left to open up his own barbershop, not sure if I had any influence on his leaving.  I’d drive by the place but never went in because I knew what would happen.  For years we stayed away from eachother.

Until now, I found his barbershop. Its a nice place when I went in they were watching Bad boys 2 one of my favorite movies.  As soon as he saw me he recognized me we shook hands, he told me to wait for him to finish and “you got next”.  It was music to my ears, I watched as he cut while going back and forth between movie on screen.  Once it was my turn it was like that first time all over again it just felt right.

  We had an awesome conversation about baseball and Will Smith, Martin Lawrence we even talked about what we’ve been upto since we last saw each other.  When it was all done he gave me a crisp smooth cut.  I was happy and I rewarded him with a generous tip, guys love my tip.  He gave me his card and told me to call him anytime.  He didn’t want this to be a one time thing either apparently.  His style was suave just like my haircut he pulled me in hook line and sinker.  

I just saw him again and I can truly say I get butterflies in my stomach the way he lays his clipper on my head.  I was so confident in him that I got a short hair cut.  I found me a new man I wanted a new look to accompany this fresh start.  Its a match made in heaven, my ex may or may not come back into my life but I have moved on.  I know when this started I had my doubts but I am proof that when you lose someone special someone better comes along.  Never give up hope my friends there is someone for everyone in this beautiful world.